Alone and praying for reconciliation

Life as a solo parent continued and the revival of Christianity in my life lead to me expecting God to restore my broken marriage. After all, I reasoned, my ex husband had some Godly relatives who said he had walked with God as a teenager. I believed that if I fasted and prayed regularly, God would restore my marriage, and began this in earnest, believing it is God's will to keep families together. Nothing was too hard for God I reasoned!

My sons also prayed fervently for their daddy. This went on for two years and during this time, people said to me "if God doesn't bring your husband back, surely he will give you another". I thought about this, wondering about God's will as I sat on the beach one day. Most Sundays I would take my sons to a local beach to play as I sat and read my Bible in the beautiful surroundings. 

This particular day as I sat quietly, I sensed Jesus walk up to me. He drew my attention to another couple on the beach and gently spoke "they have each other, you have me". With the words came a feeling that I was receiving a gift and I felt a most privileged person, full of joy. With the words also came a sense that I would be alone a very long time. I took it that to mean the rest of my life, and afterwards reasoned that it was only if my husband didn't come back..

Time went on and one morning during my quiet time reading the Word, words jumped out at me (quickening my spirit). They said that "He who holds the keys of David in His hand will close a door that shall not be opened.." I saw that He (God) was closing a door. Then the phone rang and it was the boy's father, calling to say he was getting re-married! I was able to cope with the information because God had shown me He was closing the door. I new then that I was called to be on my own for a long time and went through a grief.

At the time I was running a kindergarten for the Church, and found it so difficult to keep my spirits up knowing how sensitive preschooler's were to person's mood. I felt afraid of affecting the children and cried out to God to help me. He did, through His Word, which again quickened my spirit and spoke to my need, lifting me up. "..the suffering of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be worked in us". I continue my walk alone and have been so blessed...